The Wonderful world of Facebook.
I don’t care what people say Facebook is the greatest invention ever! I truly have gotten more action from Facebook (From people I know, smart-asses. I don’t meet strangers on the Internet) than at any other time in my life COMBINED! This includes the periods of, 97-99 days at Bridge café’, Breezy point in the Early 90’s (that place was wild) and of my combined 9 trips to Mexico! So people let Facebook live and embrace it for what it is! The best ever!
Here are some Pro’s and Con’s
The pros:
Photo’s/Tagging this tool is incredible and one of the best. You can see if the girl looks good in the actual light. Not just after 15 Drinks. You can look back at old photos, maybe she was a wilda-beast a year ago. Maybe she has pictures of her making out with 30 different guys.
You get to see if some of your ex’s gained weight and/or that her new boyfriend looks like Homer Simpson. It shows you pictures of a girls friends, hopefully some are hot. It also shows you what her family looks like- maybe she has a M.I.L.F for a mother, or better a hot 18 year old sister!
POKE: I love this thing. Please Google and see what Wikipedia says about this, if you don't know. I poke someone new every day, just for the fun of it. I love getting a new Poke. In life girls can be shy, but a poke will let us know your interest. How simple.
Event Invites: They give you the address of a place and a date. That is it! More of a Con (please see below)
Relationship Status a.k.a The Back Pocket: Facebook lets you keep girls in your back pocket. It essentially acts as a zip-lock bag for chicks. Keeping girls fresh and stored away, ready for use when alerted. Example: You find out this sexy thing from Westchester is no longer in a relationship and is now “Single” according to Facebook.
What a great feature! If you don’t want us to hit on you- Represent your man! Don’t be embarrassed or hide him.
The Catch up- It is crazy the most random people from your past can find you. Not that I am super old, but email was not big when I was in 8th or 9th grade. So the babies I got my first taste of honey from, obviously missed me and have had me on their minds ever since. I am huge fan of recycling my old conquests.
The Status update: This I great for when I need to be amused or informed. I am always amused when people put up witty and rude things. Like “killing my girlfriend” or “Threw up and pissed the bed last night”. Informed-when a nice-cute-little baby writes going out to “Metro 53 tonight with the girls” so since it is so close in proximity, I just happen to stroll over. We do a shot and things progress that night and then my status the next day is “I love 21 year olds who make breakfast in bed for me”.
People whose status’ I love. Brendan Gilloly-Gwynnetastic’s #1 Fan-always funny status updates and he is a Met fan, so double win. Brendan Sheil- who despite being as old as Jesus is pretty witty. So check those guys status' out for amusement in the status category.
The Cons:
Photo’s/Tagged some people get drunk. Some people don’t photograph well drunk. Some people don't like the people they work with seeing them in photo’s looking drunk. For example- ME.
POKE: You can Poke a girl and she thinks you want like a (I can’t stop laughing) A Relationship with her!!!! How ridiculous? What nerve. Please know what Poke means before you make ridiculous claims. (You know who i am talking to. I poked you once at 3 a.m. Never again!)
Event Invites: These things are so freaking dumb. After seeing who responded “yes” at times I avoid the place, just because I know certain people are going. It just seems like everyone has an Event Invite. Birthdays, Bar Mitzvah’s, 30 days till Xmas, Xmas, Day after Xmas. Event Event Event. I just say yes to them all. I will respond yes to an Event in Vegas, then one the same night in The Bronx. Probably going to neither! So please be advised your constant events are getting tired.
Relationship Status aka The Back Pocket: As in real life sometimes girl give no freaking hints of their relationship status. She has no notice on FB and yet you find out she is engaged or is “seeing” someone. How deceitful! Slut.
The Catch up- Why must losers who I played baseball and basketball as a child find me on Facebook? No I don’t play sports anymore- My athletic peak passed in 1999. NO I don’t want to catch up with you and talk about the past.
In Closing. The few who are “Too cool” for Facebook are really just miserable people. Not having Facebook is like not having email and a date book.
Who cares that the owner/founder is some curly haired loser homo. So for those of you, who say F- Facebook, go play Fantasy sports/Video Games/ Dungeons and Dragons or whatever you do that occupies your time.
Good-Night and god Bless.
Some new info/Rants/Questions:
-Why do huge boobs hypnotize me?
-Why do guys who wear Jeans and Flip flops/Sandals bother me? Especially if they wear socks!!
-I hate hearing guys say I have allergies. It sounds so freaking bad!
The word of the week is "Badussy" I will send a gift to the first person who sends me the exact definition. L.O and C.C you two are excluded.
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