Hello my Children:
I would like to first make two quick apologies:
#1- I am sorry that I do not keep my promises in regards to what material I am going to cover in my next weeks posting. Blame it on my A.D.D or the fact that funnier and more interesting things happen in my life week to week. I write how I live, on the fly! So I hope next week to discuss: The Age/Share house Debate and my problem with coming home with one shoe on.
#2- I have made many jokes in life and on this page about women driving or that they cannot. (I still think 87% should not be allowed). But yesterday my #1 girl KPdawg#5 was whipping her car around Brooklyn and Manhattan like a NASCAR Driver. Hangover be damned, she is a warrior! She even parallel parked into a spot, on the first time! With about 2 inches between her and the other cars! That’s why she is my Ace!
My life-which continues to be fun, wild and entertaining. I have a hilarious date story:
Friday night I took this girl out for dinner, our third date (She fumbled for the third time, losing major points by not even attempting to pay, for the third time!-just a freaking attempt, please!). Dinner went well; as did the drinks we had afterwards. She met a few of my friends and they all gave her the thumbs up-looks wise and personality. So a win-win there. Saturday I was supposed to go to A.C for a friend’s birthday. Things at the last second got fouled up and I end up Bartending instead. She Text messages me how is A.C? and lets me she is out at a bar close to mine. I let her know didn’t go to AC and I am actually working. I tell her to come by for a drink. She agrees and comes with her friend. Then when I see her, BAM! She is wearing the same outfit from last night. (I swore I was in a Seinfeld episode). So right in-front of her friend, I call her out. “Didn’t you wear that last night”? Her face drops and her friend starts cracking up. Her excuse was good, she wasn’t seeing anyone she saw last night and the outfit looked good. I could not argue either point. Who hasn’t worn something twice? But Two days in a row?? That’s the issue I have. I know it wasn’t washed and that she just decided to wear it again. I did ask and she admitted she didn’t wash it. I admire her honesty and her ability to take my grief. She was almost as think skinned as my sister Weezie. So her pluses are-she is funny, cute, social and thick skinned. Negatives- Date etiquette and she wore the same outfit two says in a row. So I am going to let you-my fans decide! Keep her or send her to the scrap heap? Text-Call or comment. Thanks.
SAY IT AINT SO O!!
Oprah you are an angel on Earth. How could you betray us!!! Rosie O’Donnell may now try and make a comeback!!!! Thanks! Tyra Banks is mad that she will now be referred to the as the Fat lady on T.V. But O- thanks for the memories. The city of Chicago and its Economy thanks you very much. Nobody ate more Deep Dish Pizzas in the past 25 years. So big O what’s next?
Are you going to try and be on the cover of 20 magazine covers simultaneously?
Time, BlackTail, Penthouse, Newsweek, Sports illustrated, Car and Driver and of course O Magazine. Go for it. I don’t think you have been on enough covers yet.
What about acting. Maybe you can be Star Jones or Monique’s stunt double. Wait, aren’t you Madea in those Tyler Perry movies already?? Or Oprah how about Marries Sherman Clump and make Nutty Professor part 7!
Politics a Postage Stamp? Oprah and Hilary in 2012? The Mayans did predict it as the Apocalypse! Bring it. We got Oprah on our side!
Maybe more TV. Oprah vs. Food. Or the Food Networks official food taster/judge.
Maybe she can travel move to Japan and be the first Black women sumo wrestler- Sushi-O!
How about coaching the Knicks like Whoopi Goldberg did in that movie Eddie??
I heard she may try and make Thanksgiving 365 days a year!
Who knows Oprah the world is yours. I know Stedman is mad as hell. The worlds first true pimp and ultimate house husband is furious she will now be home during the day. She may even ask to give him a job! Damn. Sorry buddy.
But big O. Miss you, love you, thank you. Please call me if you need a pool boy.
The Tittie Debate.
I hate Kate Hudson and I hate A-Rod. I hope they both get H1N1. But look at the pictures above. Who has bigger tits? Kate Hudson with her 12 year old little boy body or A-rod and his Steroid bitch tits?
Happy thanksgiving. One of the few true American Holidays.
See you Tuesday, this guy is on Vacation!!!!!
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