May The Lord Be With Us!

MTV’s The Jersey Shore- I don’t know where to start but in the end of time, I just hope God saves us all! This show is simply why they call TV the “Boob” Tube and I don’t mean for all the Fake boobies on it either. TV is truly an invention that rots the mind-body and soul.

Losing brain cells from smoking weed or drinking is something that one does by their own choices. But being subjected to this Television series is something that any person under the age of 21 should NOT- By law! Be allowed to watch.

This was a Public service announcement for kids to stay in school. They don’t use scare tactics anymore like, if you don’t do well in school you will be homeless and hungry etc etc. No. Now it is, go to school or you will end up on the Jersey shore! See how you like that! It’s the new way to get kids to want to learn to read.

What were people in Iowa/The Midwest/Other Countries thinking watching this? I would rather be Canadian than be from New Jersey.

Home Prices in Jersey have plummeted to levels of the Detroit projects. People from Newark are now glad they have fire hydrants to open in the summer time instead of Shore houses.

This show is worse than any R or XXX rated movie. Not since the show “Growing up Gotti” has something been so detrimental to the Italian culture. The kids from that show look like members of the Peace Corp compared to these people.

I have Italian friends who are now passing themselves off as Palestinians due to the embarrassment.



A few Notes/Quotes/Observations/Statements and Questions that I have:

Whoever has me for Secret Santa or is buying me a gift. Please get me a Duck phone. I dead am serious.

I loved “Snookies” orange Peggy Bundy bed slippers-with the Orange Fur. Sexy.
Sadly, I now will never hook up with or date a girl from Poughkeepsie or one who went to Marist. Sorry. This new great TV Character said “I want a nice juiced Tan guy!” So a guy who is on steroids and who could die of a heart attack or kidney failure at any moment? And one who could get skin cancer and die at a very early age from sleeping in a tanning bed? Sound dumb? No way! This girl is a gold digger and has just found a new way to collect a life insurance policy. Early death. GENIUS!!
I loved when she said “I am not a strong person like I look” you could have fooled me you little chubby troll. You look like a head case and are one.
Not to spoil future episodes but she gets punched in the face by a Guy.
I am taking a collection and getting a street named after him! What a real American Hero!

If “the Situation” is for six pack abs. What is a beer gut with hair called? The Problem? I don’t think I would ever be able to call someone “The Situation” not even someone going through a “Whose the babies Daddy” situation. Mike I think his name is was holding a girls hand on the board walk dead sober the first day meeting her!! What a little bitch. I have held girls the first time meeting them, I admit. But it was more of me sort of holding them up from being so drunk. He almost cried when a girl he met two days ago- made out with another dude. I can’t lie-I sympathize. He was hurt. It takes a lot for a man to cry. It also takes a lot for a man to tell a girl to lose 5 to 10 pounds. What a brave soul. That girl will be crack head skinny by the end of the year.

If any male I know ever wears white sunglasses- I am giving myself permission to snap them in half due to the fact I am officially allergic. Seeing a person I know in them probably would give me hives.

I did not see a problem with the “Triple Kiss” make-out session in the Hot Tub. I can actually state and have photographic proof that I invented that maneuver in the year 2000 on Cancun Trip number #2.

There was a Bible on the dinner table. MTV’s parent company Viacom will have its stock plummet to pennies for this one. I think a Bible next to a toilet bowl is more appropriate then on the dinner table.

I wonder if the parents of these people would have rather have had their children on A&E’s Intervention for a Crack and Crystal Meth addiction. If my kid said they had a drug problem I would be upset. If they said he was doing a summer share on the jersey shore- I would disown them!!

If MTV really wanted to amuse and inform us they should have gave us better bios of the cast members. Answering such questions as what was the last book (If any) each one has read? How many sexual partners each one has had. I am guessing none are in the single digits and a few I am sure had both Male-Female along with Animal partners. Also what were their SAT scores and their jobs before the show!

I wonder what JWOWWs boss said when she came in with her Skunk Hair-do. Which one sounds more likely?

“It looks great now get back to finding the cure for cancer” or “The Hair looks great but when the gang bang is over the camera may not be able to clearly see the Semen in the blonde portion of it”

The girl from Staten Island with the Garbage bags as Luggage was great. I thought- Wow a girl from Staten Island who is a not materialist and who is practical. Impossible yet Awesome! Maybe she is worth the $16 Verrazano bridge toll. Then she made the statement “I am a bartender- I do great things”. I am confused. I have been a bartender for 11 years and all I thought it was all about charging people 10X what the booze actually costs, getting drunk, hitting on girls and not paying taxes. Plus her wearing “wristbands” on her biceps was just plain sad. Jesus save her.

The kid with the pierced dick. What is there to say? I am sure his parents had him in ballet and not little league. He really must have had some alone time with Michael Jackson as a kid and is totally screwed up. Rhode Island and its population of 24 people are saying “This is who is representing us”?

The other kid with a pierced nipple? Let’s be serious. I also loved his wristbands and belts.

Add a Studded belt to my list of things I want from my secret Santa.

What Colleges/High schools did these people attend?? And if those colleges are now giving refunds on diplomas. I am sure in the Harvard Alumni newsletter none of these kids names will appear. But I am sure North Babylon make-up 4 week official certification newsletter will have plenty. How can the guy “The Situation” walk into a job interview? I would rather Hire Chris Brown or O.J than this kid.

Reason 20,005,873-I lost respect for New Jersey: Girls answered to whistling guys from a roof top! This move never works for me! I need to either start carrying a real metal whistle or take a How to whistle class. (They have them, I Goggled it)

Did one of those kids have a yellow car?? I think it was Chevy cobalt. One way to not get girls is to drive anything resembling a NYC Taxi.

I have very keen eye sight sober. Did anyone notice the kid Vinnie’s arm-pit stains in the opening? It looked like he had two of the Great lakes hiding under there. You can buy $20 hair Gel by the case but you can’t spend $2 on some Right guard?

This show has made me want to:

-Get a girlfriend and get married right away. If this is what’s left out there, I am fucked! I am grabbing the most pale-freckle faced, educated girl I can find!

-Never want to work out again. If having a six pack makes you become a jerk off who talks in the “third person” and give yourself a nickname, bring on the Krispy Cream doughnuts.

-I never want to shave or get a haircut again. Shit. Look at Albert Einstein’s hair. I just threw out all my combs/Gel/Hairspray.

-I want to be Michael Jackson White year round and never get a Sun tan again. God Forbid you get a little sun tan and someone asks you at work on Monday -“where you been? The Jersey Shore”. I would vomit.

I had to go to confession after this show. If you watched it please say

7 “Hail Mary’s and 3 “Our Fathers”.
God Bless