TIGER.

Unleash Tiger on the Jersey Shore!

I will now Putt in on the Tiger Woods situation. I am officially a new fan of Tiger Woods! Yes a new-true FAN! I might even start playing Golf because of him.

This guy shed some light on a few things in the past two weeks.

1. He does not putt from the rough, like many originally thought.

2. Women are getting worse and worse as Gold Diggers/Whores/”Marital prostitutes”.

3. A Pre-nuptial agreement is a MUST. Especially when you marry a broke hoe.

I used to hate Tiger and his buck-toothed Mr. Perfect image. Now, I realize he did it for the money. He just said to himself “Smile and Pay up mother fuckers”! I am a Billionaire Hustler. He didn’t want to act like that. He wants to say Fachizzle and get neck Tattoo’s.

Tag, Nike, Buick, McDonalds, Golf Digest, Gatorade and whoever else has paid this guy Millions! So I can’t hate on him and it is truly messed up his sponsors are not “renewing” their contracts with him. F them, and in two years when this whole thing blows over and they want to sponsor him again-he should say F.U!! Or Double his RATE. Tiger can play golf and by doing just that he sells products.

Tiger is a Cheater. Plain and simple. Cheating is wrong, yes. But he did not kill anyone, or cheat something/someone for a monetary profit, or affect anyone’s life directly except his families. So cut him some slack and back the F up off my new BOY!!!

97% of the readers of this site have cheated on their girlfriend/boyfriends before, and even a few have cheated on that person with ME! So don’t judge the man until you walk in his Golf Shoes.

Tiger does not care mentally or emotionally that he got caught cheating.

The guy has nerves of steel and ice in his veins. He just wants to do what he does best, play golf and plow women out.

I will give some Yankee love right now: Derek Jeter (who isn’t that good looking, lets be real) has slung his sausage all around NYC and around the country for the past 13 years. No marriages, No baby mama Drama, Nothing. He sewed his wild Oats. Now that he is in his twilight and wants to commit, he is doing it easily. So Millionaire/Athletes/Men learn from Jeter.

I do blame his whore of a wife for this whole entire thing along with women-(some) in general for their hunger and desire for money! Yes, it is sad but true! She married him for the Cash people. Plain and simple.

How many girls in High School/College say- “I can’t wait to blow the captain of the golf team” “Yes, I am the lucky girlfriend of the #1 bowler at the school”. Answer. NONE

Girls want to date the Quarterbacks, Basketball players, Baseball players and Bartenders. Then later on in life, they want the guy with the big fat BANK Account. Need Proof? I am sure Melina Trump loves seeing the Donald Naked and just insists on having sex with the lights on! I am sure she tells him “it is that time of the month” 365 days a year.

So dry you freaking tears for this Swede Skank. She knew what she was doing. You know the old saying. “If the cooking is good at home, you don’t eat out”. Maybe the Swede should work on her bedroom game, the same way Tiger worked on his Golf Game.

Also let’s not forget she chased him with a golf club and threw a cell phone which chipped his tooth. Crazy? I think so!

Did you really think she liked watching him play Golf? Always walking up and down the courses at the butt crack of dawn?

Now she is going to get paid. I am pretty sure he had more money when they met and that during their marriage she really didn’t add too much to the Bank Accounts and their 401K plan. I don’t think she should walk away with a few golf clubs and umbrella, but I don’t think she deserves millions! Give her a million a year for their marriage and a one way ticket back to Stockholm.

Tigers 2^nd Chance.

We have not heard the last from Tiger either. As much as we love knocking people from down from the top spot, then spitting and peeing on them while they are at their lowest. We like comebacks even more. If former hooker/whore Ashlee Dupree can write an advice column for the N.Y Post. Tiger can come back! He will roar again. On the golf course I mean.

Jersey Shore Week #2-Synposis/Notes

It was toned down a bit from week one. I hope its downward spiral does not continue. I guess only being one hour instead of two was the big difference. Also the tease of the upcoming punch left me salivating.

Angelina has left the house. Her work ethic and attitude really helped improve the image of girls from Staten Island (Excluding you Laur and Nise’). But this girl is a fucking joke. Dating a married man, not wanting to go to work, telling her boss to whom she just screwed over that she would only talk to him in the bathroom. 100% Class. I am all too familiar with the Staten Island girl Bathroom trick. Lets just say, she would have kept her job, maybe even gotten a management position afterwards. It is a shame she left the show, I love watching cock blockers in action and love it even more when they acknowledge their intentions of trying to do so. I guess for now she is back working at the tanning Salon on Todt Hill Road. See you soon Angie!

(They should get a replacement for her right?? Maybe Tommy Cheeseballs)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6upatWc7bQ

Ronnie- Jesus you had some potential as coming out of this show with some hope. A chance at being taken seriously in life. Maybe even Hollywood. Then comes the Faux Hawk hair do and the Parkinson’s disease Dance moves. It looked as if you were going through electro-shock treatment. Muhammad Ali and Michael J Fox said damn that guy has the shakes. I still have hope for you buddy. Good luck.

JWowww- Christ. Your Skunk hair keeps looking worse and worse. You looked Part Medusa and part Bob Marley in this last week’s episode. Tame that thing! If you got shot in the face a person could claim your hair was a wild Rabid Raccoon and it was self defense. Also please wash your face and gargle some Scope in the mornings before you go on camera. You look and sound like Marge Simpsons sister Thelma. I did love the Jordan Sandals, did you steal those from my girl A.J’s closet? They were sexy. I am also not surprised your boyfriend had that little thin Wankster beard. He looked like the character from the OFFSRPING video “Pretty fly for a White guy”. I am still waiting for you to bite a guys head off. Hopefully it will happen soon.

Vinny- Kind of weak this episode. Step your game up.

Pauley D- The Pride of Rhode Island. You were also weak this episode. I hope you dick rick didn’t get yanked off yet. But I am sure you’re happy that Tranny Jwoww is single. Just keep the hair high and hard! Fist Pump on!

Snookie-Not shocked you eat pickles every day, but you don’t have to do it so openly. Why the F are you getting more Orange! Your friend Ryder seems real classy, not. I did enjoy your make out session as did the whole male species. It doesn’t matter that it was two slobs, boys will be boys and we love girls making out!

I am still waiting for you to get punched in the face. I know it hurt you, but I bet it taught you a lesson. I am sure you think twice about talking slick to guys and now are way more susceptible to flinching. I also raised my drink to that guy who punched you for making progress in the fight to make it o.k. for a man to smack a hoe when necessary!

The Situation- Jesus Christ. You take over the crown of king make-out. I am not going to give you and props for hooking up with snookie. I am upset you didn’t try to take down Ryder and Snookie for a little 3 way action. Your killer instinct is lacking. That was a lay-up. Also please, stop wearing Argyle that is a sad situation. Don’t sweat the Gray hair. Just for Men, works. I will be stealing your line “Half-assed Fire Cracker” that was classic.

Quiz:

We play match the quote with the girl: Answers are at the bottom. (You will be surprised)

I asked three girls the following question. “Wanna go see the Tree and grab dinner”?

1. 25 year old blonde Nurse

2. 28 year old Jewish publicist

3. 19 year old makeup artist.

1. Dinner yea, but why the F would I want to go see the Tree?
2. Do I need I.D for it?
3. They didn’t take it down yet?

Other Notes:

-Tom Brady Just had a baby with super model Gisele Bundchen had a baby boy this week. Tiger Woods has his fingers cross the paternity test come back negative and it is Brady’s baby, not his.

-I had an adult sleepover this past weekend. Very pretty girl. She woke up and her first words were “I want Taco Bell”. Soul Mate?

-How funny is it now that there are Public Service announcements about sending/taking naked pictures. Girls, don’t believe the commercials. Your bodies are beautiful, keep sharing them. And no us guys don’t share the pictures with our friends. Wink-Wink.

A theory about the Cold Weather:

I love the cold. I am not crazy. I just love to ski and the whole Christmas season. I also love to go to bars and know that if a girl goes out in this weather, she is single and ready to get down. Here is the logic-If a girl has a boyfriend and it is freezing she is going to convince him to stay in. If she has to go out, he goes with her. If she wants to go out and her boyfriend stays home, hmmmm- relationship issues. So in reality a girl who goes out in the cold is easy-prey, begging to be slaughtered.

Answers to Match game.

1. C

2. B

3. A

A Brief Good Bye:

I am letting everyone know this is my last blog until January 4^th 2010. I apologize but I am on vacation and need some Me Time. I am going to China and Korea for 10 days. I am sure it will be very entertaining. I promise. I will be refreshed and energized for the New Year. One Love.

May The Lord Be With Us!

MTV’s The Jersey Shore- I don’t know where to start but in the end of time, I just hope God saves us all! This show is simply why they call TV the “Boob” Tube and I don’t mean for all the Fake boobies on it either. TV is truly an invention that rots the mind-body and soul.

Losing brain cells from smoking weed or drinking is something that one does by their own choices. But being subjected to this Television series is something that any person under the age of 21 should NOT- By law! Be allowed to watch.

This was a Public service announcement for kids to stay in school. They don’t use scare tactics anymore like, if you don’t do well in school you will be homeless and hungry etc etc. No. Now it is, go to school or you will end up on the Jersey shore! See how you like that! It’s the new way to get kids to want to learn to read.

What were people in Iowa/The Midwest/Other Countries thinking watching this? I would rather be Canadian than be from New Jersey.

Home Prices in Jersey have plummeted to levels of the Detroit projects. People from Newark are now glad they have fire hydrants to open in the summer time instead of Shore houses.

This show is worse than any R or XXX rated movie. Not since the show “Growing up Gotti” has something been so detrimental to the Italian culture. The kids from that show look like members of the Peace Corp compared to these people.

I have Italian friends who are now passing themselves off as Palestinians due to the embarrassment.



A few Notes/Quotes/Observations/Statements and Questions that I have:

Whoever has me for Secret Santa or is buying me a gift. Please get me a Duck phone. I dead am serious.

I loved “Snookies” orange Peggy Bundy bed slippers-with the Orange Fur. Sexy.
Sadly, I now will never hook up with or date a girl from Poughkeepsie or one who went to Marist. Sorry. This new great TV Character said “I want a nice juiced Tan guy!” So a guy who is on steroids and who could die of a heart attack or kidney failure at any moment? And one who could get skin cancer and die at a very early age from sleeping in a tanning bed? Sound dumb? No way! This girl is a gold digger and has just found a new way to collect a life insurance policy. Early death. GENIUS!!
I loved when she said “I am not a strong person like I look” you could have fooled me you little chubby troll. You look like a head case and are one.
Not to spoil future episodes but she gets punched in the face by a Guy.
I am taking a collection and getting a street named after him! What a real American Hero!

If “the Situation” is for six pack abs. What is a beer gut with hair called? The Problem? I don’t think I would ever be able to call someone “The Situation” not even someone going through a “Whose the babies Daddy” situation. Mike I think his name is was holding a girls hand on the board walk dead sober the first day meeting her!! What a little bitch. I have held girls the first time meeting them, I admit. But it was more of me sort of holding them up from being so drunk. He almost cried when a girl he met two days ago- made out with another dude. I can’t lie-I sympathize. He was hurt. It takes a lot for a man to cry. It also takes a lot for a man to tell a girl to lose 5 to 10 pounds. What a brave soul. That girl will be crack head skinny by the end of the year.

If any male I know ever wears white sunglasses- I am giving myself permission to snap them in half due to the fact I am officially allergic. Seeing a person I know in them probably would give me hives.

I did not see a problem with the “Triple Kiss” make-out session in the Hot Tub. I can actually state and have photographic proof that I invented that maneuver in the year 2000 on Cancun Trip number #2.

There was a Bible on the dinner table. MTV’s parent company Viacom will have its stock plummet to pennies for this one. I think a Bible next to a toilet bowl is more appropriate then on the dinner table.

I wonder if the parents of these people would have rather have had their children on A&E’s Intervention for a Crack and Crystal Meth addiction. If my kid said they had a drug problem I would be upset. If they said he was doing a summer share on the jersey shore- I would disown them!!

If MTV really wanted to amuse and inform us they should have gave us better bios of the cast members. Answering such questions as what was the last book (If any) each one has read? How many sexual partners each one has had. I am guessing none are in the single digits and a few I am sure had both Male-Female along with Animal partners. Also what were their SAT scores and their jobs before the show!

I wonder what JWOWWs boss said when she came in with her Skunk Hair-do. Which one sounds more likely?

“It looks great now get back to finding the cure for cancer” or “The Hair looks great but when the gang bang is over the camera may not be able to clearly see the Semen in the blonde portion of it”

The girl from Staten Island with the Garbage bags as Luggage was great. I thought- Wow a girl from Staten Island who is a not materialist and who is practical. Impossible yet Awesome! Maybe she is worth the $16 Verrazano bridge toll. Then she made the statement “I am a bartender- I do great things”. I am confused. I have been a bartender for 11 years and all I thought it was all about charging people 10X what the booze actually costs, getting drunk, hitting on girls and not paying taxes. Plus her wearing “wristbands” on her biceps was just plain sad. Jesus save her.

The kid with the pierced dick. What is there to say? I am sure his parents had him in ballet and not little league. He really must have had some alone time with Michael Jackson as a kid and is totally screwed up. Rhode Island and its population of 24 people are saying “This is who is representing us”?

The other kid with a pierced nipple? Let’s be serious. I also loved his wristbands and belts.

Add a Studded belt to my list of things I want from my secret Santa.

What Colleges/High schools did these people attend?? And if those colleges are now giving refunds on diplomas. I am sure in the Harvard Alumni newsletter none of these kids names will appear. But I am sure North Babylon make-up 4 week official certification newsletter will have plenty. How can the guy “The Situation” walk into a job interview? I would rather Hire Chris Brown or O.J than this kid.

Reason 20,005,873-I lost respect for New Jersey: Girls answered to whistling guys from a roof top! This move never works for me! I need to either start carrying a real metal whistle or take a How to whistle class. (They have them, I Goggled it)

Did one of those kids have a yellow car?? I think it was Chevy cobalt. One way to not get girls is to drive anything resembling a NYC Taxi.

I have very keen eye sight sober. Did anyone notice the kid Vinnie’s arm-pit stains in the opening? It looked like he had two of the Great lakes hiding under there. You can buy $20 hair Gel by the case but you can’t spend $2 on some Right guard?

This show has made me want to:

-Get a girlfriend and get married right away. If this is what’s left out there, I am fucked! I am grabbing the most pale-freckle faced, educated girl I can find!

-Never want to work out again. If having a six pack makes you become a jerk off who talks in the “third person” and give yourself a nickname, bring on the Krispy Cream doughnuts.

-I never want to shave or get a haircut again. Shit. Look at Albert Einstein’s hair. I just threw out all my combs/Gel/Hairspray.

-I want to be Michael Jackson White year round and never get a Sun tan again. God Forbid you get a little sun tan and someone asks you at work on Monday -“where you been? The Jersey Shore”. I would vomit.

I had to go to confession after this show. If you watched it please say

7 “Hail Mary’s and 3 “Our Fathers”.
God Bless

Overheard- The Paradox-The Countdown

Overheard:

"No shot. I would not do it ,ever. She is the bread winner. Her husband does not even work! She even wrote a freaking book. Plus she is a grandmother. Grandmas should not be doing that"!

-Lauren

On if Sarah Palin gives her husband BJ's.

"Thanksgiving is awesome. You don't give any presents. There are no dumb songs to sing, my uncle doesn't wear a gross sweater to try and be funny. You just eat all day and night, watch Football and nap. If only you could end it with a rub and tug it would be perfect"

-I wont mention his name.

The Move- My boy at work pulled the ultimate move/acting job. He was on a date with a girl.

It wasn't going well, realized this date was going to be it. So when the bill comes he puts on a Dinero performance and pretends he left his wallet at home. The best part-The GIRL bought it!!! The meal and the act!!

The Crossroads/Paradox

The question has been asked plenty of times. But more frequently as of late. That question being: When or would I ever stop the blog for a girl/girlfriend/fiance or wife? This question is as hard to answer as, What is the meaning of life? It is like playing chess vs. oneself. Impossible I say! I ask the question in return: Why would a girl/someone want me to cancel it? This is partly what I get for dating girls who can actually read. Honestly though, this blog keeps me from seeing the psychiatrist I desperately need to see. Thus keeping my health care costs low-co-pays as well, so I can save up for that engagement ring. It keeps me off medication, which can lead to moodiness, irritability or even worse erectile dysfunction. So it is mutually beneficial.

This Blog makes other happy. Why would my significant other want to take that away from other people? She would be despised and hated. The Yoko-Ono of Blogs! Who wants that title?

I want my girl to be the first lady of blogging, an icon, similar to Jackie O.

I know there is a big shadow that I cast and it may be difficult to live with. I understand, but at the end of the day look what your getting. ME. What is better? Really?

I will play Devils Advocate though and have some fun and give a few reasons why I would end it. If:

I date or marry a rich girl, who lets me stay at home. I can be bought. She must also be a Met fan and have no babies daddies other than me. Easy Right? Until then see you Mondays!

The Countdown:

So MTV's Jersey shore is coming this weekend. Fake tans, Spiky hair, dudes on steroids in Jean shorts saying "ay yoooo"" over and over. While also dancing- a.k.a Fist pumping!!! There is an Italian group that is protesting the show and demanding that it is canceled. They think it portrays Italians negatively and gives them an unfair stereo type. Note to whatever Italian group that says that, please Shut down NEPTUNE'S, PATTY Mc Gees and Flood Howard beach if you are concerned with a negative portrayal. Immediately do it. Just save New Park Pizza and a handful of my friends parents.

So MTV please don't cancel this show. It will have more people aged 16-30 watching than anything on CNN/PBS/CNBC would air!

I look forward to being entertained, while simultaneously getting dumber.

Sorry for the short entry. Spending the weekend with my family was mentally draining. Next week I will make it up to you!