After taking a week off and giving a short (But very controversial posting) last week. I feel I owe you all a little more than usual.
Last week:
Last weeks post drew some irate responses, some thanks, a few WOWs and a few other swear words, I will not mention. Being an OG or an YG is a mindset. A 30 year old can be an YG. Just act and live like it! Nuff said.
The Dirt Nap Pool update:
Corey Haim has left the building. Nobody had Corey in the Dead pool. Most people thought he had already been dead for 10 years. So no points awarded to anyone.
My first memories of Corey were seeing him in my sisters Tiger Beat/Teen Beat crap magazines. The same magazines that used to portray Fred Savage and Neil Patrick Harris as sex symbols. They were great at predicting people’s futures! I wonder if those magazines are even still around. But when the magazines used to come to my house and to the delight of my sister, I would wipe my boogers on the pages; draw mustaches or penises on his face. I wish I would have saved some of them, can you say collector’s item!
I am guessing he died of the Hollywood cocktail- a combination of Prescription drugs, No Talent, Alcohol, depression, crack, an empty bank account, all the while denying his homosexuality.
The #2 Dilemma
I feel bad he died because he was always #2. He was always the “other” Corey his whole life/career. The real #1 in any duo never dies first. Damon will out live Affleck. Batman will outlive Robin, Beyonce will bother the shit out of me, long after Kelly Rowland is dead. Edge will go before Bono and the list just keeps on going. #2 never gets and shine! So for Corey being #2, I do shed a tear. Corey Rest in Peace. The Lost Boys was the bomb!
The Sandra Bullock Fiasco
A few things:
She is not even hot! She kind of looks like Michael Jackson.
Also, when the F did she become “America’s sweetheart” as the media now continually refers her? She was in 
, Judge Dred
and All about Steve for Christ Sakes!
, Judge Dred and All about Steve for Christ Sakes!Let’s keep titles like that for the deserving: Ashley Dupree and Shannon Dougherty.
Am I surprised this dude Jesse James cheater on her? NO. He was married to a porn star! Now he is married to this awful Amish-Quaker looking actress. The writing was on the wall or all over the skin. This guy has more Tattoos then the entire NBA. Does anyone think going from being married to a porn star to then Sandra Bullock, his sexual appetite was going to be satisfied? She really looks sexually adventurous. I think it took him about a year to convince her to finally leave the lights on while they had sex!
There is a reason Bullock was unmarried until she was 40. She is probably fucking nuts/miserable/bi-polar and boring. She should date guys more her speed- Jason Alexander/George Costanza or maybe Ted Danson/Sam Malone. Those couples are way more normal/realistic.
Sandra’s next man is going to be the luckiest yet most tortured man on the planet. I am sure Sandra will start going down on him 3x a day, like clockwork. But god forbid they are at a restaurant and the waitress has a tattoo on her foot/wrist/face and he looks up at her when he orders a meal. He probably would get a fork in the eye.
Good Luck to Him and to Sandra.
VEGAS-VEGAS-VEGAS-VEGAS
As for that dumb phrase what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. That applies to people who have girlfriends or wives. I have neither, so I don’t give a F.
Las Vegas is a place of Sin; Lent was on hold during my visit. It is like spring break/Disney world and New Years all on acid.
I still can’t believe a place like it exists. If I lived there, I would be dead before the second months rent was due.
A few things about my trip:
1. Here are a few sample Conversations/Incidents/Events from my trip.
Convo #1 (34th floor of the Palms Hotel)
Hammer: You how high do you think we are up?
Mush: I dunno 30 feet?
Hammer: We are on 34th floor, man.
Jewels: Gotta be like 3000 feet
Mush: No way, Like 10,000 feet
Hammer: The tallest building in the world is 1500 feet.
Mush: So what are we like 1200?
Hammer: Are you two Retarded?
Convo #2 (Restaurant at 11am on Friday in the Palms)
Me: Shit. You see those hot girls eating right there.
Shots: They are probably hookers.
Me: at 11am on a Friday?
Shots: I didn’t know hookers worked in specific shifts. Why can’t they be here?
Me: Good point. Should I ask?
Convo #3 (Haze Nightclub in Aria Hotel)
T. Allen: You know my brother Marcus Allen
Me: Of course O.J Simpson’s friend.
(No smile)
T. Allen: You is harsh man.
(I then proceeded to set the world record for most expensive round of Jager bombs ever. $320)
2. Racing Go-Karts.
If you don’t gamble or have already lost all of your money, check out Pole Position Racing next to the Palms Hotel. There is no Breathalyzer or physiological exam given. If so, my boy Green would have been asked to evacuate the premises ASAP. It is like $50 bucks for 2 races. Well worth the comedy.
3. V.I.P
Everyone has a “Guy” in Vegas. Some half-assed hook up that allegedly knows everyone. 99% of the time this guy is a bullshitter and a waste. The supposed “hook up” has you waiting online for 30 minutes and gets you a table in the back corner with the Lepers and the only hippopotamus bachelorette party in Vegas.
So avoid that and check out my “GIRL”.
She runs http://alistvegasvip.com/ or email her HaliTendler@yahoo.com
The most legit and professional VIP host in Vegas. She will make your trip.
4. Final thoughts
Don’t ever-ever eat Nathan’s in Las Vegas! Your stomach will thank you.
If you wear any new clothes, make sure the plastic sensors are removed before you go out. Nothing worst than grinding with a chick and have her ask you if “You out here shoplifting”? But if the plastic tag is on your shirt, don’t go into the bathroom and rip it off while drunk. It just leaves a huge hole. Wait for scissors.
If I was going to the Electric chair, In and Out Burger Would be my last meal. I suggest buying the cab driver lunch and having him wait. Getting a cab from there or walking along the highway sucks.
The Perfect Wedding
I was in/attended an incredible wedding last weekend. I woke up the next day with a smile ear to ear. Half my smile was because it was so much fun. The other Half was because there was someone there drunker and looked way more foolish than me. No need to name him but he has hair that would make Prince 
jealous.
jealous. I never was a big fan of Bands at weddings. After having/hearing Kim Sozzi’s 
band, I am now a huge fan. She killed it. I even paid for/downloaded a few of her songs legally, the next day.
band, I am now a huge fan. She killed it. I even paid for/downloaded a few of her songs legally, the next day. My Bridal party entrance was not up to my usual amazing standard. It wasn’t my female partners fault. It was the little leprechaun other guy who was part of the trio. He should be ashamed of himself.
The Ceremony was a half Jewish-half Catholic. I got a custom made Mets Yarmulke for the occasion. Did you also know a Yarmulke can also double as a beer coozie?
This was the first Wedding I ever attended that had a legit/legal after hours party. They even had food there! The After hours-Late night food is highly recommended! And is the new requirement for me giving a gift.
The bride looked stunning as usual; the weather was perfect, music, and food were all amazing. The Bar didn’t run out Jameson or even try and cut me off at any point thought-out the night!
It made me want to get married. For about a Minute anyway. I just figured I am going to have a kick ass birthday instead.
So Wedding Season has begun. Stay tuned for updates……
Extra Baggage:
St Johns University: My Alma Matter.
-Then only place where they would offer a coach $3 million a year who is already making $3.5 along with not paying income tax and expect him to take the Job.
-What do you do when you see a kid you graduated with working at Chipotle?
My first though was, maybe he owns it. Then he picked up the mop. So I thought now, shit the economy must suck. Then it became, can I get a refund on my diploma on the basis of a graduate working at a fast food restaurant. Walking out I thought. I better get something free next time, that kid borrowed my textbook one time.
Please: Not to get political on people. But please spell the Presidents name right when you are bitching or complaining about him. I know I grew up in little Ireland, but it is not O’bama. He is from Kenya not Killarney.
Next Week/Coming Soon:
Meeting girls in Bars
Dancing with the stars
Sexual Amnesia
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