Q1. Would you have sex with Kelly Osborne ?
A1. Obviously you already know me. I love girls with Tattoo's. I love girls who are a little "healthy" in the physique department. Plus, I am such a sucker for British accents.
After a drink or two, I 100% would. I am sure holidays with her family are awesome! So-Yes,I would!
Q2. You seem to go on a lot of bachelor parties. What really happens on them?
A2. There is a ton of man cuddling and walking around naked together. Then while out at night we drink out of penis straws. We also wear sashes, crowns and play dumb games. Hope it helps.
G# 2 One Liner-Joke of the Week
I went to the eye doctor for my wandering eye. He told me his wife has the same problem and that I really need to stop F*cking her.
G #3 Word of the week and a quick discussion:
http://www.urbandictionary.
Weddings: like death, herpes, infidelity and taxes-are just simply unavoidable. While they can be extremely fun-they also can really suck. That is why I think people should take into account Wedi-quette. This is not just for guests
Weddings: like death, herpes, infidelity and taxes-are just simply unavoidable. While they can be extremely fun-they also can really suck. That is why I think people should take into account Wedi-quette. This is not just for guests
attending, this is for the people/families throwing these weddings. Nobody wants people mumbling before and after a wedding, that it sucked and was just a huge mess. Right?
I have been on the wrong end of some bad Wedi-quette recently. I was invited to a wedding 400 miles away-and it was NOT NEAR A BEACH. How freaking rude??
How about being invited to a wedding single and not really knowing anyone who is going to be there?
Also I know these weddings are expensive but I think if you are having a questionable wedding ie: One on a holiday weekend, Thursday/Sunday at the local Knights of Columbus. I think somewhat of a sales pitch is deserved for the invite-E to entice them to go. Examples: Letting people know that XYZ are going to be there, who the DJ/Or who the Band is. Also let people know you are doing a full venetian hour instead of just a simple wedding cake. I will 100% go to a wedding anywhere/anytime if there is cotton candy, sour patch kids, Brownie and Rice-crispy treats with a Melting chocolate waterfall!! So keep it all in mind and step your Wedi-quette up!!
G#4 Necessary Male Behavior
I have lately noticed some disturbing trends taking shape in the NYC Nightlife scene. First, if you are a straight heterosexual man- you cannot drink out of a martini glass!!
Sure Martini's are fine, but not the glass. Ask for it in a rocks/pint or highball glass. The only way one can drink out of a Martini glass and have it be o.k are:
1. You wear a Rolex, drive an Aston Martin with machine guns on the bottom of it and wear
2.7 lbs of hair get.
2. You are on a Yacht: with at least 3 people in plaid and two people named either - Muffy,
Trip, Bianca, Chad, Roger or Dick.
3. You are gay and proud. Cheers to you. At least you came out.
The Napkin around the beer bottle also infuriates me. I never understood this. I guess girls say the beer is either cold or they don't like the condensation on it. So they put a napkin around it. But if you are a man, please don't do this. Suck it up. Thanks.
G#5 This is a long running debate:
One as old as: which came first, the chicken or the egg? The Question, how old is to old old for a share/summer house?
As a crafty veteran of 6 summer/share houses (3 summers I paid for-The other 3 times I told the people in the house to Fuck off (Really)
So, I weigh in:
In the summer house life/scene I have seen it all:
People have ended up getting married, females pooping in the 3rd floor bathroom- it overflowing and flooding the whole entire house, dripping down 3 flights. People crashing other peoples cars (then denying it), throwing eggs all over the place for no reason at all, the beginnings of great friendships, tons of fist-fights, boobies being flashed and so on and so on.
Share houses are truly amazing!
In every share house there is that one "Old Person" whom may of once
had a summer share with the apostles. That person on the first weekend gets a ton of stares the first weekend and is the subject to plenty of whispers- Ranging from "Who brought their Mom or Dad" "Is this a nursing home or a share/house?" But that old person always has awesome value in the end. They either are so awesomely drunk one weekend you forget their age and you end up saying "I love this geezer!"
Or when the cops come to the house for a noise complaint, that oldie talks the cops down from giving the house a ticket; just because the cops respect their elders and they are so shocked someone so old can be in a share house. So- the answer is-There is no age limit or you can never be to old. Rock on seniors, Rock on. Just don't die on us between Memorial day and Labor day.
In the summer house life/scene I have seen it all:
People have ended up getting married, females pooping in the 3rd floor bathroom- it overflowing and flooding the whole entire house, dripping down 3 flights. People crashing other peoples cars (then denying it), throwing eggs all over the place for no reason at all, the beginnings of great friendships, tons of fist-fights, boobies being flashed and so on and so on.
Share houses are truly amazing!
In every share house there is that one "Old Person" whom may of once
had a summer share with the apostles. That person on the first weekend gets a ton of stares the first weekend and is the subject to plenty of whispers- Ranging from "Who brought their Mom or Dad" "Is this a nursing home or a share/house?" But that old person always has awesome value in the end. They either are so awesomely drunk one weekend you forget their age and you end up saying "I love this geezer!"
Or when the cops come to the house for a noise complaint, that oldie talks the cops down from giving the house a ticket; just because the cops respect their elders and they are so shocked someone so old can be in a share house. So- the answer is-There is no age limit or you can never be to old. Rock on seniors, Rock on. Just don't die on us between Memorial day and Labor day.
G#6 GwynneFlix:
These Asshole Hollywood- executives think we are stupid. How dare they try and re-make two true classics with Brutal actors and what I am sure are movies full of crap dialogue and cliché after cliché!
Let’s begin with THE KARATE KID. How fucking dare they try and pawn Jackie Chan off as Mister Miagee. Pat Marita was in Happy Days for Christ sake. He is an Asian Acting Pioneer. Jackie Chan- I will give him those Rush Hour Movies, pretty decent. But he was in Rumble in the Bronx! What a joke and utter disrespect to a legend. Next we have Jayden Smith playing Daniel Fucking Larusso! That is not a type-o; The son of Will Smith will be playing the Crane Kicking-All Valley champion Larusso. This is like Will Smith playing Tupac in a bio-pic. Unfathomable! Next, the movie takes place is China where Smith is bullied by classmates and forced to learn how to fight. First off Smith is black and Chinese people think all black people are either related to Obama, Micheal Jackson or are members of the Bloods or Crips. I am not joking, either- They really do! Plus Smith should not be getting bullied; he has to be 2 feet taller than every Asian in his class! What crap. Plus if you do a remake how could you not have another "Johnny" Or have the sweep the leg scene! I am Outraged I tell you!
A true crime against humanity this move is. Boycott! Boycott! Do not even watch it On- Demand when it comes out in October!
Next: Robin Hood
How the F does Maximus Aurelius-Russel Crowe agree to play this part? Let me go from an iconic sword swinging, queen banging Gladiator, to a Green tight wearing-archer, who skips around the forest with clergy (Friar Tuck-You never saw the hidden gay-church symbolism in this did you?). I wish this was like the NCAA where you can take away past accomplishments with asterisks. The IMDB website would now Read Gladiator staring: (Actors name removed after putting on tights and elf shoes for a paycheck in the summer of 2010). He also played Richie Roberts super cop in American Gangster. Great part, he went Toe to Toe with Denzel! Now he is in the forest butt-fucking Friar Tuck! C’mon Russell. This movie should have been barred from remakes after Kevin Costner laid the smack down for his portrayal of the English folk hero with a So-cal accent. Damn this movies and everyone in it!
While I love the movies I just hope Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure is never remade.
That is a true classic and a wonderful piece of Hollywood Cinema. If Aliens came to earth right now, it would be the 1st movie I give them for a better understanding of our culture. SO please Hollywood. Get creative and leave these classic alone.
G#7 The Re-cap
I would bang Kelly Osborne. I would not take her to see the Karate Kid, but we would Netflix Bill and Ted.
If I see an annoying person on yacht I have reason to kill them and Hi-5 an old person, just for the hell of it!!
Next Week Coming Soon:
The Meaning of Life
More Basketball-Wives
Ash Dupree- The Next Oprah
Fake Boobs
I update and re-new Baseball fan rulesGary Coleman and Dennis Hopper Eulogy's.
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